I love you, Katie...
 July 1, 2004 Eleven o'clock in the morning at the Apricot Cat and Black Dog Bed & Breakfast in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
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This post is a flashback describing our trip to lovely Vancouver to tie the knot back in 2004. Who knew that we would see the day when our marriage would be recognized in the United States? Our marriage is recognized in a few states (and as a civil union or domestic partnership in others), but we're second-class citizens in NC. No hate crimes law, no state anti-discrimination on the books (never mind benefits); at least we can celebrate signing into law of an anti-bullying bill.
Marriage equality continues to thrive in small pockets in our country, and one of the best ways we can cultivate support and effect change is to bring those marr iages back home where these commitments are not legally recognized. Not to challenge the legal wrong, mind you (it's going to be decided by the U.S. Supreme Court in the end), but to become visible married couples in our communities - living marriage out of the closet before our friends, neighbors, and work colleagues.
Visibility challenges assumptions; show willingness to explain to potential allies how your legal-somewhere-else marriage is denied where you live.
The fact is we will prove by example that our relationships will not cause an end to anyone else's marriage or destroy society, and it will move all of us closer to full civil equality.
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Our blast-from-the-past photo album is below the fold.
That year we wrote former Senator Elizabeth Dole and the White House about our opposition to the Federal Maal Marriage Amendment and received these responses (note how the form letter from Dole addressed us as "Catharine and Pamela Spaulding" -- what an irony!). Dole | Bush .
Day One - June 30 - Travel Day
We left in the early AM, flying America West from Durham to Phoenix and then to Vancouver.
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| This is the view from the airplane as we approached Vancouver. We were relieved after landing that it was in the high 70s. | Yes, I had to take this cheesy shot. |
| It was a time consuming wait clearing customs, but it was straightforward. We did currency exchange and took a cab. The first order of business once we arrived at the B&B, was to drop off our bags and walk to the nearest marriage license bureau (below), which is in Chinatown on 8 West Pender Street. It cost C$100 for the license. |  |
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| Here's Kate at the marriage license bureau. This building is in the Guinness Book of World Records as the narrowest office structure in the world. | Here's an article on the building. Click to enlarge. |
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| YES! We have the official paperwork partially completed and paid for. Now we take it back to the B&B to complete in the presence of the marriage commissionaire at the ceremony tomorrow. | Time for some brief sightseeing in Chinatown, which is an older part of downtown Vancouver. |
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| Hon's. We went to the original main location; there is a more trendy store on Robson Street, the more touristy downtown area. | For some reason, Kate is into Hello Kitty, so this is a nearby novelty shop that had the characters on strange slinky springs. Kate: "It's the secret symbol of gay pride (or to identify yourself as being gay) in Asian countries where it is typically unacceptable." |
| We went back to the B&B around 5:30, hoping to get there before Tim (Pam's brother) arrived. He actually pulled up just a few minutes after we had walked back - great timing. Tim was in the middle of moving to a new pad, and finishing up his book project, but he put it all on hold to come be with us for the wedding. Gotta love him! We got him settled in and then we all caught a cab to Stanley P ark, which is a major tourist attraction in Vancouver. One of the best known restaurants is The Fish House at Stanley Park. We can recommend the salmon; Kate thought the restaurant was overrated. We did a lot of walking afterwards, exploring the downtown area around the waterfront. It was quite crowded, lots of tourists and local, enjoying the sunny, unusually warm weather in the area (80s F). | |
| Tim and Pam at the Fish House ause at Stanley Park. |
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| The bike/walk/skate path along Stanley Park and downtown. | A good view of the waterfront. |
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| Had to crop out some really silly looking/acting folks in this one. | As we got closer to downtown, this weird sight caught our eye -- trees growing on rooftops. |
We had dessert at a place downtown on Denman Street called True Confections, and there were some heavenly choices there --cheesecake and tiramisu (and 3-berry pie) are recommended. Good thing we were walking it off for several hours.
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| We walked all the way to the other side of the peninsula to the yuppie marina area. | Sunset is really late here in the summer. It didn't get dark until 10PM. |
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| All of us were really wiped from the plane rides and walks but we had a great time. We cabbed back to the B&B. | Tim stayed on the third floor of the B&B and we stayed in the lovely Lilac Room. Sara Ratner, the proprietor of the B&B, has created lovely surroundings for her guests! |
Day Two - July 1 - Our Big Day (and Canada Day too!) Getting ready was nerve wracking. Sara served us some fantastic buttermilk waffles and the three of us enjoyed a leisurely breakfast and gabbing that resulted in only an hour to shower and get dressed before the marriage commissionaire arrived!
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| Oh you know, these are more corny "getting ready" shots you have to have... | We put Tim to work on this project. |
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| He did a great job! | Kate's ready... |
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Pam's ready... |
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| Last shot before the big event... | Sara Ratner, the wonderful B&B proprietor. |
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| The lovely table setting. | A picture before things get rolling. |
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| Another shot before the ceremony got started | Are we ready? We were barefoot for the ceremony! |
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| We're really nervous. | Pat Mitten, the marriage commissionaire (equivalent to a justice of the peace in the U.S.) beginning the ceremony, which was in the backyard of the B&B. |
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| Listening to Pat to Pat. | Vows. |
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| Sara made these for us. |
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| More vows. | Neither of us remember much about this - so surreal! |
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| We're married! | The joyful couple with our "best person". Sarah (Kate's sister) -- we know you were there in spirit! |
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| It was a beautiful, sunny day. | We were ecstatic. |
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| Unbelievably happy. | Down to business -- all have to sign documents post-ceremony. |
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| Pat Mitten looks on. | Tim, as a witness, signs. |
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| Everything was just perfect. | Sara signs, as a witness. |
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| The signing is complete. We now have to wait about a month for the final marriage license, which has to be processed and mailed to us. | The happy feet! |
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| The rings. | A closer look. |
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| Some pictures in the front yard. |
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| The B&B sign. |
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| We went back in and Sara had the cake ready (FYI, vanilla cake made with Splenda, along with fresh raspberries,). |
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| Cutting the cake. | We are incompetent at it. |
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| Finally, a slice! | One bite for Pam... |
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| One for Kate... |
Tonight the second quarter of 2009 draws to a close, and it's a significant point in the 2010 campaign cycle. This is the point at which a lot of folks who are considering maybe possibly getting into a race take a hard look at their fundraising, and either throw their hat in the ring, or throw in the towel.
This is also the point at which challenger candidates examine the funds that incumbent candidates have on hand -- and decide whether the incumbent's war chest is so formidable that s/he can outspend the challenger and own the election, or whether that incumbent looks vulnerable to a challenge.
Since I donated more than I should have in the 2008 election cycle, this means I'm getting fundraising emails and requests from all over the friggin' place, because people are scrambling to make those second quarter numbers look as flush as they possibly can.
Below the fold, you'll read my response to eve to every request.
This is an example response to an entreaty received from Darcy Burner, a former challenger candidate in Washington's 8th Congressional District to Republican Congressman Dave Reichert (she lost twice, but I believed in her campaign enough to donate). She's now part of a political action committee called "Electing More and Better Democrats". She emailed me the following:
We talk a lot about wanting representatives who will display courage and conviction. But the real test of that isn't what they do when it's easy - it's what they do when it's hard.On Friday, the U.S. House of Representatives stood with President Barack Obama and passed the Waxman-Markey energy bill, the most significant climate change legislation in history.
Six courageous freshmen members of Congress in very tough districts who risked their chances of re-election because their convictions will lead them to vote in a way that is politically damaging to them.
If you're a progressive in a marginal district,
voting no is the smart move. It gives the Republicans no ammunition against you. When gas prices are sky-high next summer, they can't say it's because you voted for a huge tax increase on energy. And you can say to progressives that you did it because this bill wasn't good enough; you're covered coming and going.Six courageous freshmen - Tom Perriello, Dan Maffei, Betsy Markey, Steve Driehaus, Martin Heinrich and Ben Chandler stood up and cast that right vote - for a bill where President Obama and Speaker Pelosi needed each and every vote. And in those marginal districts, where we don't have the concentrations of environmentally-minded voters present in places like the district I ran in, that argument will carry weight.
We talk a lot about wanting representatives who will display courage and conviction. But the real test of that isn't what they do when it's easy - it's what they do when it's hard. Voting yes on this bill in a marginal district is hard, and clearly about choosing to do what's right over doing what would protect you politically.
There's a filing deadline tomorrow on June 30. I've just dropped $1000 I can't really afford into trying to help these members of Congress. I'm also proud to serve as Honorary Chair of a new PAC - More and Better Democrats - who are going to work hard to get this new breed of candidate of conviction elected - and KEEPING them elected.
Will you help me?
My response:
I know this is a mass email blast, Darcy, and I have no idea where this email will end up.As much as I want to elect more and better Democrats, my money has to go somewhere else...to organizations fighting for my civil rights. I'm gay, you see, and I donated what I could to many Democrats this past 2008 cycle (including to your campaign) in the hope that, finally, the Democratic party would live up to the promises made to lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people like me this round and help us fight for equality. I also (like my husband) donated more than I could afford to fight Proposition 8, which no federal Democrat stood vocally to fight. The response from that level was somewhere between meaningless and pathetic.
I can't say I've resoundingly seen moves that show any promise that Democrats will fight for people like me on the federal level, and I have gone back to expecting nothing from your party, because that's the best way to avoid disappointment.
Like many lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered Americans, I have come to the realization that I have to own the fight myself, and I have to take the fight to the local and state levels where people have shown some willingness to stand with us and fight on our behalf. That being the case, what resources I can donate to political efforts will go to organizations like Maine Freedom to Marry, the Courage Campaign, Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders, and OneIowa.
While I will still most likely vote Democratic -- few will be the Republicans willing to espouse positions I find pafind palatable in this political climate -- and I applaud your efforts to elect more and better Democrats, I cannot donate time or money to your PAC or those candidates at this time. If and when more and better Democrats follow through on the promises they have made to people like me, enacting widely popular federal-level legislation like a repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, and no longer treating my civil rights like a third rail, I will be delighted to again donate time and money to your cause.
Thanks for working to make the world a better place. I believed greatly in your congressional campaigns and wish you had beat Reichert.
The gAyTM is closed. I didn't have much to donate, but what I had is going where I know it will be put to best use.
You'll recall that the first story out about the LGBT fundraiser was in the Advocate, where it was reported that:The event brought in nearly $1 million, up from about $750,000 last year, according to a Democratic Party source.This number, not corroborated by anyone at the DNC, was ponied up right quick and many took it to heart that somehow the boycott was an utter failure. However, I soon heard from a very reliable political contact and updated my post to say that there was
something fishy about that $1 Million amount claimed to have been raised for the DNC fundraiser. So we cannot confirm that this is all queer money from this fundraiser.Michelangelo Signorile was also wondering about that original figure from an unnamed source, so he tried to get some answers from the DNC. You won't be surprised at the results so far.As often done, Andy Tobias as Treasurer of the DNC can apply any of his fundraising efforts or other DNC staff fundraising efforts to whichever event that in order to inflate the success of the particular fundraiser. Many straight stockbrokers (loyal DNC'ers) could have given $30K in the months prior to the fundraiser, and had no clue where his/her money was being applied internally at the DNC. Also there are regular Queer Donors to the DNC that give monthly and annually and this amount was probably added to the tally for the event.
FEC reports will be filed at the end of this month so we will be able to check the DNC amounts for when the $$$ was raised, and who wrote a check from the LGBT community. My inside source says they would be lucky if they actually raised $250,000. Still a lot of money, but no where near the $1,000,000. claimed by the DNC.
Andy Tobias, the openly gay treasurer of the DNC, was fretting about the event and complaining to people, according to three individuals who'd interacted with him and with whom I shom I spoke in the days before the fundraiser (and I've spoken to several others who confirmed this to me after the fundraiser as well). Publicly, DNC officials and hosts like Barney Frank were keeping a stiff upper lip, trying to tamp down the power of the blogs and the influence of all those who dropped out of the fundraiser. But privately, Tobias had pretty much thrown in the towel on the event.Much more below the fold....When I contacted the DNC's LGBT fundraising director, Tom Petrillo, for confirmation of the one million dollar amount, he bumped me up after a day to press office, where Caroline Ciccone took another day to get back to me, only to tell me that the DNC would not confirm the one million dollar amount and said the DNC doesn't confirm fundraising event figures. But in searching around and looking at the coverage of other fundraisers, I found this story, which, for example, attributes Obama's bringing in 3 million dollars at an event recently to DNC "officials." And this one has many details and implies they came from the DNC. At the very least, the DNC doesn't seem to want to be so distanced from the reporting on the numbers in these stories.
Ooops. Sounds like trouble for that pesky queer dollar count, no? BTW, Mike invited Tom Petrillo to come on his show to discuss the discrepancies, and well, are you surprised that Petrillo declined after the request for info was bumped up to the DNC press office? Mike: We now need a confirmation of the one million dollar number from the DNC, on the record, with a clear breakdown of where the money comes from. With the absence of that no one should assume this fundraiser did well at all, as all of the evidence -- and the statements from Tobias to various people before the fundraiser -- points in the opposite direction. People who want to pressure the Democrats should continue to target the DNC fundraisers since it clearly really hit a nerve, to the point where they had to spin something out immediately and go so far with the numbers -- like the Iranian ayatollahs -- in an attempt to nip any revolution in the bud, even though it's now raised many more questions.There are also a number of questions Mike posed that the DNC needs to answer to have any credibility at this point, as we await the FEC report showing donor breakdown (it's out in mid-July). Feel free to send return responses fundraising appeals from the DNC with these attached:
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Stonewall Anniversary our sponsors. But the highlight was the poem that Governor Barbara Roberts wrote and delivered. Enjoy... Stonewall Anniversary Poem by Governor Barbara Roberts From Stonewall to Salem, Across this whole nation We've marched and we've lobbied, Forty years in duration. For fairness, equality For dignity and rights For safety, and partners To turn on the lights. To come out of the darkness, Emerge from the closet, To rise above hatred And the bigots who cause it. The path has been long With hurdles and roadblocks But the future looks bright With adoptions and wedlocks. So on this eve of Stonewall We celebrate gains We stand shoulder to shoulder For the work that remains. We thank all who have given, Taken risks, led the way Lesbian, Trans, Bi, Straight and Gay. So - lift up your glasses And your hearts - one and all As we toast our martyrs and heroes And the brave souls of Stonewall.
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